| 1. | "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield. |
| 2. | "Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams. |
| 3. | "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." Duane Dewel. |
| 4. | "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad." Helen Rowland |
| 5. | "I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment." Alan Bennett |
| 6. | "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." Jackie Mason |
| 7. | "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." Leonardo Di Vinci. |
| 8. | "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house." Lewis Grizzard. |
| 9. | "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern." Mickey Rooney. |
| 10. | "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield. |
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