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| 1. | "Have you ever been in therapy? No? You should try it. It's like a really easy game show where the correct answer to every question is: 'Because of my mother.'" Robin Greenspan |
| 2. | "After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone'." Larry Brown. |
| 3. | "The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable." Paul Dean. |
| 4. | "If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one." Dr WC Heuper (1954) |
| 5. | "As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, 'Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients', but the another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian!'" Dick Wilson. |
| 6. | "My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more." Walter Matthau. |
| 7. | "A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy." Joan Rivers. |
| 8. | "She got her looks from her father: He's a plastic surgeon." Groucho Marx. |
| 9. | "For the majority of people smoking has a beneficial effect." Dr Ian MacDonald (1963) |
| 10. | "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." Samuel Goldwyn. |
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| 1. | "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield. |
| 2. | "Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams. |
| 3. | "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." Duane Dewel. |
| 4. | "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad." Helen Rowland |
| 5. | "I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment." Alan Bennett |
| 6. | "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." Jackie Mason |
| 7. | "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." Leonardo Di Vinci. |
| 8. | "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house." Lewis Grizzard. |
| 9. | "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern." Mickey Rooney. |
| 10. | "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield. |
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| 1. | "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan Rivers |
| 2. | "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all." Rodney Dangerfield |
| 3. | "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy." Steve Martin. |
| 4. | "My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'." Emo Philips. |
| 5. | "When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better." Mae West. |
| 6. | "What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap." James Agate |
| 7. | "I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though." Elton John. |
| 8. | "My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects." Les Dawson |
| 9. | "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." Woody Allen |
| 10. | "A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing." Phyllis Diller |
publié par valick publié dans : funnyquotes